My name is Suzy and I am currently undergoing intensive outpatient treatment for an eating disorder I have struggled with for the past two and a half years. I intend to write about my journey through recovery every few days to provide readers with information about eating disorder treatment, insight into how the eating-disordered mind works, reflections on the ways in which our culture treats these issues, and some advice for readers to deal with their own problems with food or weight (after all, food and weight problems are far from rare).

You may ask why I chose to write about such a touchy topic, one that often makes people uncomfortable or even stressed. The truth is that eating disorders receive a lot of attention in our society, but often in negative ways. How often has you or one of your friends pointed to a model in a magazine, cringed, and said, “She is so anorexic.” Or cracked a joke about somebody practicing dangerous dieting rituals (“what does a bulimic call two fingers? Dessert!”). Often, these portrayals are degrading, false, and uneducated. Even if you know somebody suffering from this type of illness, it is unlikely that you truly understand what is going on in that person’s head. I am trying to provide the key to unlock my head as I undergo the recovery process. I will not discuss in detail what I ate or did around food, or my weight or my appearance, because frankly, there is too much emphasis on this aspect of eating disorders in our education and society. The truth is that disordered eating and thinking is about suppressing feelings, gaining a sense of control, and dealing with low self-esteem. I also believe there is a notion in this culture that individuals with eating disorders are shallow or stupid; this could not be more false (in fact, a common characteristic of individuals with anorexia nervosa is high intelligence). So before you judge, laugh, or cringe, take a second instead to pause, read, explore, and learn. You may be surprised by what you discover.